My daughter is under a lot of stress this week. Jay is in fifth grade this year and, to an extent understandably, the teachers are working toward getting the kids ready for the rigors of middle school. Some of their tactics are a bit extreme, in my opinion, but okay.
Jay has a book report-style presentation due today. She has a science test after lunch today. And tomorrow is her spelling test. Thankfully, last year she had a project due that she ended up cranking out in half the time she was allotted. That taught her to make better use of the time she has to complete her work. So she's been working on her presentation for about a week now, it's ready, she's ready. Jay doesn't think she is good at science, so that alone makes it harder for her to absorb what she is learning and studying.
Last night she finished her project and practiced her presentation a couple of times for me so we could work out any bugs. Then she went on to study her science definitions. It amazes me how often I find myself teaching Jay the strategies I learned in school to help her manage stress and anxiety - both of which I experienced a lot of as a student. It seems teaching her these strategies is just as important as the myriad lessons I find myself teaching her on a daily basis.
On her way out the door this morning she told me, "I have my presentation this morning then my science test later. THEN, tomorrow I have my spelling test!"
"Okay, let's take care of what we have to do today - we will study for spelling tonight after school. Say a prayer before your presentation, then again before science and take a deep breath. You'll do great," I told her.
Jay is easily overwhelmed, which I can relate to. But knowing that breaking the to-do list into manageable pieces has helped me all of my life, especially in school. School comes to her easier than it ever did for me, but it is nice to know that I can help her navigate the logistics of her rigorous school work. If there is one thing I am, it's analytical to a fault. I guess some annoying traits do pay off.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
The love of the game
Last spring Babe asked Nas if he was ready to start playing flag football with an organization in our area. Initially, Nas seemed all about it! He was excited and looking forward to learning the sport. But as we talked about it more and more over the course of that week, I noticed Nas didn't seem quite as into it as he first did. 
"Do you want to play football?" I asked. After all, I am not one to pay for the kids to do anything extra if they don't want to!
"No...I don't know how to play football," he said.
"That's why you start playing! So you can learn how the game works. You're not going to be good at anything unless you start somewhere," I told him.
"I want to learn how to play first." His mother's child.
Who wants to be completely clueless about anything, especially if the other kids have played before or just generally know more than Nas does? I understood. I don't like being thrown into new experiences if I can avoid it. Nas knew he could avoid this one.
"Babe, he wants to know what to do, at least basics I'm sure, before he starts with a team," I enlightened my dear husband who is nothing like me personality-wise.
"Okay, I'll work with him," Babe said.
After taking a "season" off - as my Mom would say - to work with Babe, Nas knew what to expect on the football field when he started playing in September. As I have mentioned here before, Nas is even good at flag football. It's like the coach tells him to grab flags, and that is just what the kid does. Coach tells him to run the ball into the end zone, and well, you get the picture.
What was new for us last week was when Nas asked me, "Mommy, if football players do good do they get taken out of the game?" I knew where this was coming from.
Obviously everyone needs to get a chance to play, so the coach rotates the kids in and out of the game really well, in my opinion. But after a touch down or a couple of pulled flags, Nas gets taken out - and he clearly didn't understand why.
"Baby, the other kids need a chance to learn the game and play, too," I told him. "You didn't do anything bad when the coach pulls you out, and he's not punishing you for being a good player, he just has other kids that need to get in the game like you did."
That didn't do it. And that was evident at last week's game. I knew Nas was getting frustrated with how things were going - the younger kids weren't "getting it done" when he knew he could, but the coach only let him run it once. The score was largely in Nas's team's favor so why not let the other kids take a shot at running the ball? I got it - Nas? Not so much.
Frustration led to tears when Babe asked his coach to explain all of this to Nas. It's a team sport and our son needs to learn to be a team player - now is as good a time as any. This lesson for him is going to take some time, but it is a good stepping stone.
"Do you want to play football?" I asked. After all, I am not one to pay for the kids to do anything extra if they don't want to!
"No...I don't know how to play football," he said.
"That's why you start playing! So you can learn how the game works. You're not going to be good at anything unless you start somewhere," I told him.
"I want to learn how to play first." His mother's child.
Who wants to be completely clueless about anything, especially if the other kids have played before or just generally know more than Nas does? I understood. I don't like being thrown into new experiences if I can avoid it. Nas knew he could avoid this one.
"Babe, he wants to know what to do, at least basics I'm sure, before he starts with a team," I enlightened my dear husband who is nothing like me personality-wise.
"Okay, I'll work with him," Babe said.
After taking a "season" off - as my Mom would say - to work with Babe, Nas knew what to expect on the football field when he started playing in September. As I have mentioned here before, Nas is even good at flag football. It's like the coach tells him to grab flags, and that is just what the kid does. Coach tells him to run the ball into the end zone, and well, you get the picture.
What was new for us last week was when Nas asked me, "Mommy, if football players do good do they get taken out of the game?" I knew where this was coming from.
Obviously everyone needs to get a chance to play, so the coach rotates the kids in and out of the game really well, in my opinion. But after a touch down or a couple of pulled flags, Nas gets taken out - and he clearly didn't understand why.
"Baby, the other kids need a chance to learn the game and play, too," I told him. "You didn't do anything bad when the coach pulls you out, and he's not punishing you for being a good player, he just has other kids that need to get in the game like you did."
That didn't do it. And that was evident at last week's game. I knew Nas was getting frustrated with how things were going - the younger kids weren't "getting it done" when he knew he could, but the coach only let him run it once. The score was largely in Nas's team's favor so why not let the other kids take a shot at running the ball? I got it - Nas? Not so much.
Frustration led to tears when Babe asked his coach to explain all of this to Nas. It's a team sport and our son needs to learn to be a team player - now is as good a time as any. This lesson for him is going to take some time, but it is a good stepping stone.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Not Good Enough?
Please enjoy a 'throwback' entry from Motherhood: Take 1 Published Sat., June 16, 2007
When you were a child what did you want to be when you grew up? Only recently did the answer to the question come to me and it's funny because I'm living out my childhood dream. When I was young I wanted to be a "housewife" and writer. Although I am still working out the kinks in my writing, I'm on my way and I've been a homemaker for about four years now.
So why didn't I want to be a doctor, a lawyer, a firefighter? My dad suggested I become a corporate lawyer when I was about six or seven, I agreed because anything daddy thought was good for me surely had to be. But as I got older, like eight, I thought it was so comforting to have my aunt around much of the time I spent in Indiana over summer breaks. She baked, took us to the park, and talked to me while we sat in the car waiting for my cousin to finish piano lessons. That, I thought, was the life and I wanted that life for myself and my family.
But I find it funny that when a woman wants to be a mother and wife and take care of home, she's short-changing herself. What's so wrong with me being here to raise my kids all day every day? Well, I know what's wrong with it on those especially insane days. But women who work full-time seem to think it a waste for me to stay home with my kids. Ask most mothers what their most rewarding job has ever been and I'll bet you two shiny nickels they'll say it's motherhood. So isn't ironic that too many moms think I'm lazy or unmotivated when I tell them I'm an at-home mom. What the hell screams lazy or unmotivated about taking care of kids 24/7? Working moms work all day, then come home to care for the kids and the house...we both have a lot to do I just do your weekend and evening job ALL day every day!
So yes, when I was a child I wanted to grow up and take care of my family. And now, that's just what I'm doing. If a woman, a mother, can knock that...then knock on sister.
When you were a child what did you want to be when you grew up? Only recently did the answer to the question come to me and it's funny because I'm living out my childhood dream. When I was young I wanted to be a "housewife" and writer. Although I am still working out the kinks in my writing, I'm on my way and I've been a homemaker for about four years now.
So why didn't I want to be a doctor, a lawyer, a firefighter? My dad suggested I become a corporate lawyer when I was about six or seven, I agreed because anything daddy thought was good for me surely had to be. But as I got older, like eight, I thought it was so comforting to have my aunt around much of the time I spent in Indiana over summer breaks. She baked, took us to the park, and talked to me while we sat in the car waiting for my cousin to finish piano lessons. That, I thought, was the life and I wanted that life for myself and my family.
But I find it funny that when a woman wants to be a mother and wife and take care of home, she's short-changing herself. What's so wrong with me being here to raise my kids all day every day? Well, I know what's wrong with it on those especially insane days. But women who work full-time seem to think it a waste for me to stay home with my kids. Ask most mothers what their most rewarding job has ever been and I'll bet you two shiny nickels they'll say it's motherhood. So isn't ironic that too many moms think I'm lazy or unmotivated when I tell them I'm an at-home mom. What the hell screams lazy or unmotivated about taking care of kids 24/7? Working moms work all day, then come home to care for the kids and the house...we both have a lot to do I just do your weekend and evening job ALL day every day!
So yes, when I was a child I wanted to grow up and take care of my family. And now, that's just what I'm doing. If a woman, a mother, can knock that...then knock on sister.
Coffee Chat
The other day while I was reading content on one of my favorite sites I stumbled upon an article called, "Coffee Chat with LaLa Anthony". Because Carmelo Anthony is one of my top five favorite basketball players, I have taken to keeping up with his wife's television shows and whatever info I might read about the couple. This was no different. I read the article, however un-coffee-chat-like it may have seemed (the story just didn't feel conversational) and it occurred to me that I love a Coffee Chat!! Having a name for it made it all the more fun.
Typically, my Mom and I will have coffee and chat on the phone about nothing and everything. It was easier last school year when the kids were off to school a bit earlier, but we still do what we can when we can. My parents will be working on a missions assignment in Congo for two years beginning at the end of this year, and these Coffee Chats will be so very missed.
Other times, when my best friend is off on Mondays, we will meet at a coffee shop for our own version of a Coffee Chat. We typically make sure everyone in our household is doing well and find out about their goings on. Then we get to our own personal stuff and from there, who knows where it will head! Our Coffee Chats can last up to four hours - in which case Babe wonders what on Earth we have to talk about for so long - but that time with my besty is time well-spent. It's better than therapy for me because she knows me. She needs no back story on my 'issues', she knows my quirks well enough to know why my 'issues' are my 'issues'. This is the kind of friend who knows my silly personality well enough to know how to make me laugh when really, all I want to do is cry.
If more people engaged in Coffee Chats, the world just might be a better place. In my world, I know that the women closest to me are all-in for some girl time, laughter, even the not-so-pretty stuff when we can sit down together for something as simple as a cup of coffee.
Typically, my Mom and I will have coffee and chat on the phone about nothing and everything. It was easier last school year when the kids were off to school a bit earlier, but we still do what we can when we can. My parents will be working on a missions assignment in Congo for two years beginning at the end of this year, and these Coffee Chats will be so very missed.
Other times, when my best friend is off on Mondays, we will meet at a coffee shop for our own version of a Coffee Chat. We typically make sure everyone in our household is doing well and find out about their goings on. Then we get to our own personal stuff and from there, who knows where it will head! Our Coffee Chats can last up to four hours - in which case Babe wonders what on Earth we have to talk about for so long - but that time with my besty is time well-spent. It's better than therapy for me because she knows me. She needs no back story on my 'issues', she knows my quirks well enough to know why my 'issues' are my 'issues'. This is the kind of friend who knows my silly personality well enough to know how to make me laugh when really, all I want to do is cry.
If more people engaged in Coffee Chats, the world just might be a better place. In my world, I know that the women closest to me are all-in for some girl time, laughter, even the not-so-pretty stuff when we can sit down together for something as simple as a cup of coffee.
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